The Benefit Mindset: Embracing the We in Me

“When one tugs at a single thing in nature, he finds it attached to the rest of the world.”  (John Muir)

Fundamental separation is an illusion. Disconnection—not just between human beings but between all life forms—is a lie. Separation will always lead to unhappiness and disaster, for both the individual and the group.

Essential sameness, interconnection, and interdependency are the underlying truths we too often fool ourselves into dismissing or distract ourselves from seeing. We certainly have fallen far short of bringing this elemental reality front and center into the raising and educating of our children, and the planet and its progeny are paying an increasingly high price for our ignorance and neglect.

Big Ideas and Essential Questions

For teachers, when we define the Big Ideas and ask the Essential Questions of our content areas, we can challenge our students to think even bigger and yet get even more elemental: How do my knowledge, skills, and learning experiences inspire and assist me to be of inspiration and assistance to others?

This balance between the awesome (the possibility of influencing and impacting those near and far, known and unknown) and the ordinary (Who? Little ol’ me?) transforms what we each can do and love to do into an invitation to be more by contributing more. Learning finally embraces everyone and everything, while it also honors the individual. And it is to these seeming opposites, in all their breathtaking complexity and beautiful simplicity, where learning should commence and continually return.

As I write in my book, Teaching the Benefit Mindset, we educators can also challenge ourselves: We must no longer start with the standard or the assessment; instead, we can begin with the purpose, the higher purpose, of learning—and of living.

The Why and the We

In a groundbreaking article for Scientific American titled “What Would Happen if Everyone Truly Believed Everything is One?” new research suggests a belief in oneness has broad significance for psychological functioning and compassion for those outside of our immediate circle; which, as we will see, are two of the most pressing issues currently facing mankind.

As the author states, “…these findings have important implications for education. Even if some adults may be hopeless when it comes to changing their beliefs, most children are not… [Children can be] explicitly trained to believe that we are all part of the same fundamental humanity, actively showing students through group discussions and activities how we all have insecurities and imperfections, and how underneath the superficial differences in opinions and political beliefs, we all have the same fundamental needs for connection, purpose, and to matter in this vast universe.”

The why and the we behind everything we teach children must lead to the application of each student’s burgeoning intelligence, experience, and abilities—not just for some final project or festive pageant but for the direct benefit of others. Education can become a process of self-improvement that does not culminate at the individual level with a mere showing off or proving of one’s knowledge and knowhow but that continually seeks expressions of mutual betterment.

The benefit mindset is an inclusive model of educating and nurturing children that values personal growth and greatness, right along with gratitude, goodwill, and giving. Once we open our eyes to the power of cohesion and the common good, adults and children alike become alive with learning and eagerly share their gifts and gladness with the world and for the greater good.

Suddenly, competition gives way to collaboration. Callousness yields to compassion. Capitulation blossoms into contribution.

From Possibility to Reality

If you think such unity and humanitarianism is just utopian fantasy or far past the purview of public school, consider what we rightfully expect of teachers and parents today: Every child, regardless of circumstance, shall be nurtured and educated so they reach their full potential—a potential, mind you, that often can be realized far beyond what each child, parent, or teacher dared dream.

Of course, for all this possibility to become reality, our definition of success may have to be expanded—and in the process become enriched more than we collectively have dared dream.

Granted, teachers and parents today are getting better at attending to the wellbeing of each child. But maybe we have become a little too good at this. Perhaps we have been concentrating too much on the individual and not enough on the group.

There is room and reason for both.

My work with the whole child has been an ongoing effort to counter the illusion of separation. I have advocated on behalf of parents and teachers for balance and cohesion in attending to the immutable needs of every child. But I see now my concept of the whole child is in need of revision. As my friend Ash Buchanan has challenged me: Maybe you need to rethink what it means to be whole.

Wholeness Expanded

To that end, consider these two notions: “You are a part of me.” “I am a part of you.”

While both perspectives are equally valid, I advise focusing on “You are a part of me” because this connotes welcome, openness, and a broadening of the self; whereas, “I am a part of you” may imply to some a diminishing or subjugation of the self.

“You are a part of me” does not negate the self; rather, it increases, fulfills, and reinvigorates the self. Our sense of wholeness enlarges, and we begin to experience a unity that nourishes the soul and soothes the spirit. Feelings of connection and belonging so vital for a healthy, happy life automatically occur when we finally let in those whom we have longed to be a part of.

Although coexistence and an underlying cooperation are the natural forms of being for all creatures, a life of empathy, inclusion, and altruism may be easier said than done for us humans. Any initial hesitation, skepticism, and awkwardness some (including myself) may have with an emphasis on we only make the guidance that the benefit mindset offers all the more important for educators and parents who desire a more satisfying and sustainable path for our children—and for ourselves.

Therefore, think of this emphasis on we less as a shift in how we believe and behave and more as an awakening, expansion, and embracing of the inherent, enduring truth of life and how we can choose to experience it.

The subtitle of this article and the subject of my book about the benefit mindset intentionally begins with we, what I call the We in Me. Until teachers and parents accept and live within this communal framework, children will neither fully learn nor completely express the promise we are charged with inspiring in them.

Yes, let’s begin with we. It is the answer, opportunity, and inheritance we have been given and that yearns to be paid forward. Let’s give it to ourselves and to others, those beings large and small who collectively encompass the We in Me.

***

Teaching the Benefit Mindset is Amazon’s #1 New Release in Experimental Teaching Methods! You can read more about this inspiring and practical new book here.

The WE/ME image is from an art installation by Dewey Ambrosino.

Discover powerful ways schools and teachers can inspire empathy, inclusion, and altruism in children by reading my Edutopia article “Exploring the Benefit Mindset.”

Also read this Education Week commentary that I co-authored, “A Growth Mindset Isn’t Enough. It’s Time for a Benefit Mindset.”